"Mirror, Mirror on the Wall" ....



That title should actually be, "Tummy, Tummy in my Shower!"

Chances are - most of you who will come across this post took a shower this morning - or yesterday morning or ... okay, if you haven't showered in the last 48 hours it's alright ... I'm not jo mama!  And anyway - that's not the "point" of my "post" today.

I noticed something interesting this morning while I was lathering up my head in that shower and I thought I'd share.  (Before today I really hadn't paid much attention to the talks I have with myself when nobody else is around and/or listening and/or contributing to the conversation.)

My self-talk is not very friendly.  WOW -- Seriously?  I wouldn't say the things I say to myself to anybody else!  Ever.

Hmmm?  "Once upon a time" a friend recommended a book entitled, "What To Say When You Talk To Yourself" -- (and I really ought to read it someday - ha).  But I did read the back cover and got the gist of the message:  We replay a lot of unnecessary old tapes when nobody else is recording on the cassettes of our lives anymore (okay, okay - the "cassette" comment dates me - I know).  Moving on ~

I am no longer the 3rd grader bullied by 3 chicks every Wednesday night after "Pioneer Girls" at church.  I never told anybody that I was considered a loser because in my eyes - my brothers, my parents, any other friends I had would be disappointed in my "loser-ship".  These chicks were mean and really put me down ... literally at times.  I had to pull myself up on more than one occasion after being pushed onto my butt by one of the three ~ apparently that fell to whoever was in the shoving mood on any given night after our little religious bible memorization time.  These three would taunt me about my appearance, my clumsiness, my haircut, my clothing, my lack of bible memorization skills (which, in hindsight was a total crock because I still have a bazillion verses committed to memory - so there!) - ha. 

But that's kind of the point.  Bullies don't often have a valid reason for their tactics of intimidation.  They choose an individual they think they can overpower emotionally and, if they succeed one time, they consider themselves the winner.  The bullying will continue.  And it did while they still attended Pioneer Girls.  [I was sooo glad when Manor Baptist discontinued that program and went with Awana's instead -- the three chicks didn't like the Awana group.  ha]

But you know - those girls went away and I have no clue what became of them.  I'd like to think they are completely successful, sweet, kind women who either don't remember being bullies because it's sooo far from their personality nowadays OR they do remember but feel remorse because it's nothing they'd ever do again.  I just find it interesting that - they don't "bully" me any longer ... I don't hear their mean comments and yet, this morning, in the shower --

I was 'bullying' myself.  Here's what I heard when I stopped "talking in my head" long enough to "listen with my heart":

• "I hate this stomach!" 
• "Ugh, look at all these wrinkles!" 
• "I have ruined my body."   
• "Wow - I wish I looked UNDER my jeans like the world thinks I look outside of them." 

(HA - trust me - that last one sounded like it made sense in the shower!)  ;-)

I finally realized what I was saying and told myself to BE QUIET!  THEN - I told myself to be nice ... just like I'd want to tell someone else if they were saying something that wasn't building another person up.

"If you can't say something nice - don't say nothing at all."  Thumper's mama had something there now, didn't she? 

I have lost a lot of weight.  I have worked hard on myself.  I am learning how to reach out and make friends ... take chances/risks (in a good way) ... test waters ... try new things.

I have changes that I need to make - and hopefully one day one of those changes might include a tummy tuck ... but my wrinkles and my stomach and my stretch marks are part of who I am ... this has been a journey.  It has been a GREAT journey over all and I want to focus on the positive and be nice.

It's a lot easier being kind to others but you know ... it's A-OK to be kind to ourselves, too!

Have a GREAT day ~

As always - I'll keep you 'posted'