OH YEAH!

There are days I feel I have been downright  [naughty]

when it comes to my eating habits.

However, I DO 

 

[Believe]

 ... things are beginning to

     









[CLICK] for me! 

I have been concentrating on getting more water in on a daily basis, I have been wearing a pedometer to track my movement progress, and I have really realized that I need to up my protein intake. 

 It is[Essential] that I focus daily on getting adequate amounts of protein, healthy carbs, water, vitamin/mineral supplements.

I must say … this time of growth has sparked a  

[Revival]


in my enthusiasm about achieving optimum health and because of this I am simply *Soy* excited! ;-)

I’m on my way, baby.

OH YEAH!

Today

In an effort to get a handle on my procrastination, I have decided that I will commit to more regular blogging ... one of these days.  (lol)

But for now ~ just an update on life.

I had my gallbladder removed a week ago Thursday and all went well ... piece o' cake (pardon the pun).  I decided to take both Thurs-Fri. off even though I felt like I probably could've returned to work on Friday.

I did return to work the following Monday and felt great - 100%.  No issues.  At one point in the day I had to go across the street to our main office building so I left my desk, got to the crosswalk and started to jog across the street.  I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I had surgery a few days prior, wasn't even thinking about stitches, etc. 

Well - one popped open.  Again, no biggy.  Until yesterday ~

This particular incision site - which looked a little angry by Wed. - was completely pissed by Saturday.  So much so that I began running a slight fever and the site was swollen, surrounded by a narly red ring and oozing (sorry, TMI).  Headed to a walk-in clinic about 30 minutes before closing (because I kept digging my heels in telling my husband I wasn't going to go - ha) ... and, long story short, walked out with a culture being sent to a lab to determine "what type" of infection took hold but with the diagnosis that I did, in fact, have an infection.

Hmph.

So - I'm taking an oral antibiotic 3x per day, along with a topical antibiotic 3x ... good news?  They were super cheap!  (ha)

The other good news?  When I weighed in at the walk-in clinic she said I was 131 pounds.  Not my personal ideal of 123 but ... hey, it wasn't 231 pounds now, right?!

That was one of the shockers after gallbladder surgery ... I stood on the scale on Friday and I was up 6 (almost 7) pounds!!!   I was soooo freaked.  Saturday?  Same thing - no, I take it back.  I was up an ADDITIONAL pound.  I had a lot of shoulder pain which was attributed to air (I'm told) .... and thankfully both the air and the poundage have worked their "weigh" out of my body and I'm now weighing about 4 pounds less than pre-surgery. 

Yes, I'm smiling.

Funny thing was - when I was given discharge instructions for 'wound care' I noticed at the top the lady typed in my weight as being 132.  I wanted that one pound that she added removed from my record!  When I stood at the scale she said (and I saw the dial @) 131.

131 lady ... 131.  GET IT RIGHT!  ;-)

(Funny - 3 years ago I would've given anything to see 132 on the scale ... but now ... I want at least 131.)

;-)

It's the little things ~

Happy Easter  ;-)

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I am learning about change.  Specifically – I am learning about making long-term lifestyle changes.  These *lessons* are interesting – I’ll say that from the outset.

Prior to making my decision to undergo gastric bypass surgery, I had to have a long talk with myself and honestly evaluate some things.  The main question I had to ask myself was, “Will you forever change the way you approach food?”  I knew this could not be a temporary diet … it had to be a permanent lifestyle change.  [To be honest, I say I *knew* this but … I didn’t really believe it.  Yes, I had been told by many professionals and/or post op patients that ‘weight loss surgery wasn’t a cure-all - it was only a tool.’ But in all honesty I thought it’d be different for me.  I didn’t think that I would have to change too much – deep down inside I believed the smaller size of my stomach would make the changes for me. ]

And … for a while … this actually *was* the case.  The first year post bypass was a breeze … unbelievable.  I couldn’t eat too much, I didn’t want to eat too much, the weight came off and it was a piece of cake (pardon the pun). 

Then … somewhere around the one year mark … my hunger started to return.  And during the Christmas holiday I decided to *taste* a little chocolate to *see* if it threw me into the dreaded “dump”-ster. 

It did not.

I’m not sure if that revelation made me happy or sad.  [Oh, who am I kidding?!  Of course it made me happy!]  It also scared me (and I have learned over the past several months that a healthy dose of fear can be a good thing)!

So here is where I am today as far as my body/stomach is concerned food wise:  I can eat just about anything.  The only food[s] I have trouble with are starchy foods (any type of bread, pasta, etc.).  And – my hunger has returned.  Not necessarily real *hunger* – my desire to use food for purposes other than satisfying true hunger and/or to meet valid nutrition needs.  I find myself tempted to turn to food when I’m stressed, bored, happy, sad.  Food is trying to rekindle our friendship.  The little bastard. 

Lately I’ve had more conversations with myself than Sybil!  I’m finally learning to think before I eat, to listen to my body and *hear* whether my hunger is truly hunger for food or an attempt to stifle emotions such as boredom, sadness, stress.  I’m learning to slow down, to relax, to take time, to evaluate what I am really feeling before I reach for the cupboard door.  I have decided that eating stuffs more emotions than Stove Top stuffs turkeys! 

I’m learning to allow myself to *feel*!

That’s not easy.  It sounds easy … but it’s not. 

And once upon a time – if I had an urge to grab something from the fridge or cupboard - I wouldn’t even attempt to discipline myself.  If I wanted it – I got it.  End of story.  I didn’t care why I wanted it – I didn’t try to figure out if the *hunger* was legit. 

“Nobody’s gonna’ tell *me* what I can or cannot eat – this is my life … I’m a big girl now!”  And then it hit me:  I’m *not* a big girl [physically] any more … I’m actually one of those littler girls now! 

But I *am* mature enough to know better, mature enough to make some decisions, mature enough to say no, mature enough to exercise control, mature enough to talk back to the still small voice whispering *sweet somethings* in my ear. 

Further, I’m realizing:  It is *not* a given that everyone who has weight loss surgery will regain some or all of their weight back although that is what I was led to believe.  It is also not a given that everyone who has weight loss surgery will reach their goal weight and keep it off.

I am a person who does better with positive motivation.  Please don’t tell me the odds are against me – don’t try to *scare* me into submission.  Maybe that works for some but – not for me.  I can handle the truth but … I like a half full (not half ass-ed) glass.  I want to hear that there’s a great chance I am going to succeed. 

AND – the most powerful truth I am learning is – I don’t need ANYBODY else to tell me these things.  They can come from within me.   I am starting to hear from myself!  I am starting to believe I can do this. 

I believe I AM doing this!  It’s sooo COOL!

(I like the sound of my voice these days!)

Another one bites the dust!

*KIDNEY STONES*

(to the TUNE: "Gloria" by Laura Brannigan)

"Kidney stones -- you're always in my bladder.
You've got me doubled over ...
(People do not know what's the maaaattter)

I drink my water every hour of the daaayyy
And yet you keep on formin'
The pain was starting in my back ...
I know that this was just my warnnnnin' ~

You really don't remember
I told you not to come on back
I'm sick and tired of your attacks ...
Stupid kidney stones .... "

(I'm not interested in doing additional verses ... just *blasting* my kidney stones via song. 
Thanks - I feel better now!)
 *~*~*~

Not a pretty sight but I finally passed another kidney stone today -- at work of all places!  Great fun (???).  Geeesh*

I know it's disgusting when you stop to think that I actually reach into the toilet to snatch these suckers out before flushing so I can show off my feat ... but hey - I needed some credit.  [ha - I guess it's kinda like showing off you're new baby after delivery ... let's face it - they're not always that cute right outta' the shoot either!] ... 

Soooo - my day went something like this:  Got up - ouch.  Went to the bathroom - ouch.  Went to work - ouch.  Answered phones - ouch.  Went to the bathroom - ouch.  Passed another  kidney stone - ahhhh.  Went and laid down in the conference room for 10 min.  :-)  And ... I felt ~

Better!

Anywhooo - back to what I was originally saying - you can't really tell but this most recent stone was like glass ... it actually sparkled and, if it hadn't hurt like he**, might've been considered somewhat --- "pretty"?!?  LOL 

I really have had a lot of (too many) issues with kidney stones post gastric bypass ... not sure if this is the same for you?  I sincerely hope not!  I have a great deal to learn (or accept) as far as consuming Starbuck's Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate(s) and ... dare I admit it ... peanut M&M's.  sigh*   Chocolate and ... (well, there isn't anything to add but chocolate ... I was going to give two examples of the things that tempt me but ... it's not chocolate and _____ -- it really is just chocolate) ... Simply put:  Chocolate remains my downfall.

I paid for my indiscretions this month ... one too many hot chocolates = one too many kidney stone(s).  Live and learn.

LEARN.
LEARN.

Learn, damnit!  I think I'm *finally* getting it!  I think I'm *finally* learning this lesson so I don't have to keep retaking this class!  ;-)

More later - and, as always, I'll keep you ...

~ posted

Ode to the Post-Op Pooch

A few weeks back, on a whim, I decided to attend the last hour of a local "All About Women" health fair.  I was there to look for one specific booth: "Plastic Surgery Associates."  [I'd seen their booths/displays set up in the past and had always dreamed of the "day in the future" when I would become their patient.  At one point in my life that seemed an impossibility but today it seems like it's "right there" ... within reach!]  :-)

Anywhooo - back to my story ... after scouting a couple rooms - and bypassing some impressive tables/displays (all the while resisting impulse buys of jewelry, handbags and homemade honey!), I saw the banner for Plastic Surgery Associates looming overhead and, lo and behold, Dr. Mendez was actually 'manning' (pardon the pun) his booth. 

Impressive.

I went to talk with him and found him extremely approachable.  Lucky for me his booth was empty - in fact, most of the tables were breaking down for the day so the entire room/warehouse was growing quiet and things were winding down.  Dr. Mendez asked me what I was interested in discussing so I told him about my gastric bypass surgery in 2009 and my subsequent weight loss. We talked about how long I would need to wait before scheduling an initial consult, etc.  I also inquired as to whether or not I could expect to lose any additional weight from any/all skin removal during the tummy tuck/lipo process, etc.  Dr. Mendez asked what my expectations from surgery were and I told him that, ultimately, I would like to feel a lot better about my body than I do at present.  I feel great when I have clothing on.  When I take off the clothing ... mmmm ... notsumuch!  :-/ 

He looked at me - kind of gave me the visual "once over" - and then asked if my upper arms were an issue.  (ha - the way he posed the question made me laugh and I wanted to respond with, "Well ... they *weren't* ... until just NOW!"  Instead I said, "No.").  ;-)  My upper arm area probably should be an issue based on magazine images but - I'm happy to say my arms really don't bug me all that much.  Do I wish they were firmer/toner/less flabby?  Yeah, I guess.  And while I wouldn't say I'm particularly "proud" of that part of my body - I'm taking into consideration the whole picture here and placing priorities on what I want help with.  If money were no object?  Sure, fix the bat wings.  But - if I have to pick and choose ... my stomach and my butt and my thighs and my boobs definitely take precedence - in that order!

So -- Dr. Mendez asked some further questions.  Then he said it's always best to get to ones goal weight prior to weight loss surgery (not to bank on weight loss surgery as a tool for weight loss) but he followed up by asking if I had discussed a goal weight with my personal physician.  I said that yes, I had, and that her recommendation was for me to weigh no less than 135 (I currently weigh 1 pound less than my doctor's goal).  He then asked me how much I would need to lose to get to my personal goal weight and I told him I wanted to weigh no more than 125 pounds. 


Dr. Mendez concluded by saying it sounds like the only question now is the length of time that I have maintained my loss.  It should be no less than one year and I'm okay with taking the time to drop another 9 pounds and then working to maintain that loss for at least a year.  Realistically (& financially) I could not afford surgery or the additional time off from work this year anyway (probably not even next) and I want to do this right.  I'm definitely still in the process of learning how to eat/exercise/maintain -- and I do still want to work off that last 8-9 pounds.  And my brain needs to catch up with my body ... the other day I walked into the bathroom and I was actually taken back by what I saw ... I was half asleep and expected to see the fat chick in the mirror.  When I turned on the light I saw a smaller version of me reflecting back and realized that, for a second, I had actually kind of forgotten I was thinner.  It was a great feeling but I really need to connect my head and my belly!

Long story short (too late, I know ...) I came away from the spur of the moment consult with Dr. Mendez feeling informed, motivated and optimistic about having at least a tummy tuck and lipo at some point in the future.

He recommended I come to a complimentary seminar in April so I signed up to attend.  If you attend the seminar you receive your follow-up in office consult free (which I already knew because I work at a medical office and we see their patients regularly).  The appointment for a consult doesn't have to be made by any deadline so I could attend the seminar this April and have a consult next year at this time if I wanted.

The only thing is -- I've been "shopping around" online.  One of my co-workers (a post gastric bypass patient herself) recommended a surgeon she'd heard of down in the Beverly Hills area so ... I scoped out some of this Center's "Before/After" photos.  This surgeon's work is AMAZING.  I felt like I was kinda/sorta gawking at a porn magazine (sans ooh la la!) -- but there were numerous nudes on there that had REMARKABLE transformations.  I was so impressed with this surgeon's site ...

I just cannot imagine myself traveling sooo far for plastic surgery.  There must be good plastic surgeons closer.  Then again - I traveled over 5 hours for my gastric bypass.  At any rate - I am thinking, thinking, thinking ...

I *wish* I didn't have to go down the plastic surgery road -- I *wish* I didn't have all this excess skin ... but ~ "if wishes were fishes" ...
I'm contemplating, I'm thinking, I'm dreaming ... and now I'm planning -- planning on pulling a big ol' leftover Blue Mountain Spring Water plastic jug out of the recycling in the garage so I can start filling it with pennies -- pennies for the post-op pooch!!

More later ~

My head's still spinning ...

Yesterday my daughter spun on out I-80 near Vacaville.  She described the incident in the following manner,

“Mom, I saw a car coming up on my right side as I was trying to merge into the exit lane.  He was ‘right there’ so I tried to go back into my lane.  I think I must’ve overcorrected – but it’s all such a blur!  I hydroplaned and the next thing I knew I was spinning in circles and I couldn’t control anything.  It happened so fast but I felt like the whole thing was happening in super slow motion.  And for one split second I thought, ‘Is this how I’m going to die?  I’m not ready to die yet.’  I was spinning out – I saw the center guardrail coming at me and I just couldn’t take control of the car.  It’s like it had a mind of its own … I ended up in the center divide facing the traffic in the opposite direction.  I can’t believe this all happened.“ 

Such scary words to hear coming from your firstborn!  Yes, she’s an adult @ 22 years of age but still and always – your firstborn baby.  You never want to get any type of a call that there has been an accident – even if it is HER voice you hear at the other end of the line and you realize in the fog that yes, she’s obviously still alive and okay.  So many questions – and the stress of being 2 hours away unable to be there – right THEN and there!

There’s so much more to that story but I’m trying to do what I am never able to do in a blog – I’m trying to abbreviate, condense.  The moral of the story above is – thankfully – my daughter is just fine.  Her car didn’t fare as well but she is scratch free, injury free, hers was the only vehicle involved and she is only complaining about the loss of her “tax refund buffer” now that her insurance rates will go up.   That irritation is a good sign … she’s sounds normal.  J

Once I stopped reeling from the “what if’s” of the events of yesterday and had said my bazillion “thanks be to God” for protecting my kiddo (I’m still saying those as I write this, by the way) … I was trying to get back into the swing and normalcy of my day today - the day “after” the call. 

Her words replayed in my mind:  “… it happened so fast” … “I was spinning out” … “ I saw the center guardrail coming at me and I just couldn’t take control of the car.  It’s like it had a mind of its own.” 

Do you ever feel this way when it comes to food?  I’ve felt that way sooo many times … the words I wanted to offer my daughter were as follows:  “Learn from this experience, sis.  You are fortunate nobody else was involved.  Accidents happen but as much as you can – prepare in this weather.  Leave a little earlier, plan ahead and be aware of your surroundings.”

Not all of those words apply to hunger/spinning out of control/food type situations but … I think I can learn a lot from a phone call about a spin out.  I need to be prepared, plan ahead, pay attention to my surroundings.

And this next bit of advice doesn’t apply to food but … it’s always a good idea to be current on your insurance.  Thanks Allstate!  We’re in good hands thanks to you … and a little (lotta'?) help from Above!  ;-)

"Mirror, Mirror on the Wall" ....



That title should actually be, "Tummy, Tummy in my Shower!"

Chances are - most of you who will come across this post took a shower this morning - or yesterday morning or ... okay, if you haven't showered in the last 48 hours it's alright ... I'm not jo mama!  And anyway - that's not the "point" of my "post" today.

I noticed something interesting this morning while I was lathering up my head in that shower and I thought I'd share.  (Before today I really hadn't paid much attention to the talks I have with myself when nobody else is around and/or listening and/or contributing to the conversation.)

My self-talk is not very friendly.  WOW -- Seriously?  I wouldn't say the things I say to myself to anybody else!  Ever.

Hmmm?  "Once upon a time" a friend recommended a book entitled, "What To Say When You Talk To Yourself" -- (and I really ought to read it someday - ha).  But I did read the back cover and got the gist of the message:  We replay a lot of unnecessary old tapes when nobody else is recording on the cassettes of our lives anymore (okay, okay - the "cassette" comment dates me - I know).  Moving on ~

I am no longer the 3rd grader bullied by 3 chicks every Wednesday night after "Pioneer Girls" at church.  I never told anybody that I was considered a loser because in my eyes - my brothers, my parents, any other friends I had would be disappointed in my "loser-ship".  These chicks were mean and really put me down ... literally at times.  I had to pull myself up on more than one occasion after being pushed onto my butt by one of the three ~ apparently that fell to whoever was in the shoving mood on any given night after our little religious bible memorization time.  These three would taunt me about my appearance, my clumsiness, my haircut, my clothing, my lack of bible memorization skills (which, in hindsight was a total crock because I still have a bazillion verses committed to memory - so there!) - ha. 

But that's kind of the point.  Bullies don't often have a valid reason for their tactics of intimidation.  They choose an individual they think they can overpower emotionally and, if they succeed one time, they consider themselves the winner.  The bullying will continue.  And it did while they still attended Pioneer Girls.  [I was sooo glad when Manor Baptist discontinued that program and went with Awana's instead -- the three chicks didn't like the Awana group.  ha]

But you know - those girls went away and I have no clue what became of them.  I'd like to think they are completely successful, sweet, kind women who either don't remember being bullies because it's sooo far from their personality nowadays OR they do remember but feel remorse because it's nothing they'd ever do again.  I just find it interesting that - they don't "bully" me any longer ... I don't hear their mean comments and yet, this morning, in the shower --

I was 'bullying' myself.  Here's what I heard when I stopped "talking in my head" long enough to "listen with my heart":

• "I hate this stomach!" 
• "Ugh, look at all these wrinkles!" 
• "I have ruined my body."   
• "Wow - I wish I looked UNDER my jeans like the world thinks I look outside of them." 

(HA - trust me - that last one sounded like it made sense in the shower!)  ;-)

I finally realized what I was saying and told myself to BE QUIET!  THEN - I told myself to be nice ... just like I'd want to tell someone else if they were saying something that wasn't building another person up.

"If you can't say something nice - don't say nothing at all."  Thumper's mama had something there now, didn't she? 

I have lost a lot of weight.  I have worked hard on myself.  I am learning how to reach out and make friends ... take chances/risks (in a good way) ... test waters ... try new things.

I have changes that I need to make - and hopefully one day one of those changes might include a tummy tuck ... but my wrinkles and my stomach and my stretch marks are part of who I am ... this has been a journey.  It has been a GREAT journey over all and I want to focus on the positive and be nice.

It's a lot easier being kind to others but you know ... it's A-OK to be kind to ourselves, too!

Have a GREAT day ~

As always - I'll keep you 'posted'